Ladies, my sweet ladies, come a little closer. I know we have all been at the place I’m about to talk about but hopefully, it isn’t a place visited often. With that being said, I’ll jump right into it.
Am I the only one who is tired of breaking up with men I’ve never been in a relationship with? Please tell me I am not crazy and that this is a common thing around the globe *bites nails in anticipation*.
Ok, so since no one wants to speak up, I’ll admit this is something I’ve done on the regular. Why You may ask? The answer is an answer that keeps me confused but I’ll like to think its because of the patience I no longer have. Either way, I’ve decided to tell you about my last breakup, or whatever we would like to call it.
So picture it, Sicily 1952. Oh, wait, wrong place lol. Ok, allow me to get my thoughts together. So picture it, Orlando 2019. I was intrigued by this young fella that made me feel all types of things: happiness, sadness, rage, joy. You name it, I felt it.
He was the type of person you look at and instantly know whether it’s going to go very well or very badly. Take a moment, sit back, and reflect on moments where you met someone and instantly told yourself “nope, keep moving, you aren’t ready for this ride.” But you decided to get on anyway! Well, that was me, that very moment, I ignored all my common sense because he was chocolate with locs. Yes, I’ll admit it; jeez. I’m a sucker for a nice, neat, locs.
Anyway, whew, had a moment! I saw this beautiful creature and I think I instantly fell in love. Or Lust. At this point, I’m still trying to decipher which it was. However, I’m sure it was definitely LUST.
Now before I go any further, allow me to explain why I was preparing for a boyfriend, I never had, that I was going to have to break up with. I had recently broken up with my real boyfriend and I was oh so ready to move on, or so I thought. We had been together for about 7 months, and in those months, I had wanted to be his wife, birth his children, and kill him. Yes, you read that correctly, Kill Him! Have you ever been on an emotional rollercoaster that gave you such a high that you just had to have again? Like it was love, you both knew it was love, and the fact that it didn’t work out caused so much heartache that you went through a slight depression!
Those were the feelings my ex left me with, so like a vampire in the night, I went on the search for the next warm-blooded victim. That’s when I met him, viola! Mr. Just-as-Bad-For-My-Health-but-in-a-Shinier-Wrapper.
Brad was the devil in disguise. Now, I’m not saying he is a bad person, he’s actually not that bad of a human being at all, but for the sake of this assignment, him being my guilty pleasure, lands him the role of Satan lol. To catch you all up to where I am, picture your idea of the most-perfect man standing before you. Got it? That was himmmmm. I was head over heels for this man since I 1st laid eyes on him and I wanted a taste of him badly. Brad was charming, easy to get along with, sexy, could cook, and great with kids. Now I normally don’t let my son meet my company. (but that’ll be another blog for another day.)
So where was I? Ah yes! Brad! Brad was one of those guys who won the crowd over without having to say a word. Domineering in every trait but humble about it and because of these things, I was stuck like a deer in headlights.
Being spoiled is a characteristic of mine I try to convince everyone I’m not, but at the end of the day, I get what I want. It might not always be right away, but in due time, whatever I want is, well, MINE. So long story short, I got my hands on Brad and like the spoil little brat I am, I was cheesing, dancing, and feeling like the saints cover your eyes, SHOOT. However, the SHOOT feeling didn’t last long. Let’s go back to the rollercoaster, twists, turns, highs, lows, flips, and dips, remember it? I do, I was definitely riding it, and without precautionary measures might I add.
Remember the ex? I do and apparently I was just trying to find someone to fill the void, pick up where he left off, and help me stride off into the sunset. What I got, I was not ready for; Brad had me catching feelings neither one of us was ready for. Our chemistry was amazing and the days and nights we spent together were to die for. Meaningful conversations, laughter, play fights, relaxing evenings together, and just catching up on each other’s presence had me wanting to make him have my baby, and men can’t get pregnant. Brad created a dope vibe and boy how I caught it; unbeknownst to me that Brad wasn’t ready for what I wanted.
For months, I wanted nothing more than to be his woman and for months, he wanted nothing more than to enjoy his time being single and because of this, is why I had to end things. We were compatible in every way minus the wanting of more which was more of the reason to leave. On the night I decided to end things, we made plans to see one another. Have you ever created a scenario in your head of how a perfect night would go between 2 individuals who missed 1 another? Well, that is what I did but not what I got. After confirming we were still on, all night I waited for a text that read “I’m at the door”, not knowing it would be a text I would never receive. I went to bed that night past the point of being sad, I felt played, silly, and responsible for allowing myself to get to this point.
Now don’t get me wrong, there aren’t any ill feelings towards him, and I wish him the best, but I’ll have to do so from a distance. I still find myself thinking about him but no matter how much I like him, I love me and for that, I knew I had to walk away. With that being said, know your worth, move with discernment so you can feel when things are not as they appear to be, and no matter how much you want something, always want you more so when it comes down to the point of having to choose; every time, you’ll choose YOU.
From this experience, I’ve learned that you must believe what someone tells you. When they say they aren’t ready for a relationship, believe them. When they say they are talking to someone else, do not jump into Game mood and try to win, because, in the end, you may lose more than you think; and most importantly, when they show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. Just because someone is a great person doesn’t mean they are a great person for you. Often times we find ourselves giving too much of ourselves to people who aren’t ready for us and in the end we dim our own lights with the thoughts of “what if”. Take it from me ladies, if they wanted to, they would, therefore, if he wanted to, I wouldn’t have had to break up with the boyfriend I never had.